Things I'm terrified to tell you 😳

IN THIS EMAIL:

👀 ALL THE THINGS I’M SCARED TO TELL YOU: And I mean alllll of them. Instead of an end of the year wrap up I decided to just throw it all out there on the off chance that anything in this email: helps you, reminds you that you’re not alone or even gives you a laugh.

ONE MISALIGNED CLIENT ALMOST TOOK
OUR ENTIRE BUSINESS DOWN
And it wasn’t pretty

Now, before you start drooling all over your Macbook pro, I’m not talking about any mafia style plots against us or carefully orchestrated social media smear campaign type “takedowns.”

Nothing like that happened.

But we did make a verrrrry bad decision and chose to work with a galactically misaligned client, the result of which was: I legit now have 14 pages in my CEO journal [I just counted] frantically gaming out scenarios that all ended up in the exact same spot: scrapping this whole business of ours.

But , phew! Now some time has passed, and as per uzsh: hindsight is 20/20.

I wish I had a super juicy outrageous story to tell you about this experience…or an outlandish meltdown example circa Britney Spears 2007 when she shaved her head.

I don’t.

Cause the truth of the matter is: it wasn’t ONE thing that went wrong, but rather a bunch of interconnected things that can honestly all be traced back to this one unfortunate decision we made.

It was a heavy cloud that was hanging over us for way too much of 2023.

Here’s what it felt like:

Months and months AND MONTHS of knowing that something was wrong with you, but all your tests came back normal so your doctor was just like: eh, you’re fine.🤷🏻‍♀️

Or like trying to have a really intelligent, historically accurate conversation with Donald Trump about the Battle of Hastings.

Or like trying to justify to yourself why and how you’ve actually watched e-v-e-r-y episode of all 18 seasons of Sister Wives.

Translation: literally nothing about it felt good.

And here’s what it actually looked like for me on an everyday basis:

I doubted decisions that normally I wouldn’t think twice about.

I second guessed every move I was making and every idea I had.

I didn’t want to show up on social media, avoided friends and even my DM’s.

I took on ownership of this person’s bad behavior and ridic expectations and made it “my fault.”

I avoided my inbox and other important biz owner responsibilities cause I was just always in a bad mood.

Greg and I fought more.

I was eating like shit and not taking care of myself.

There’s more, but this should at least paint the not so pretty picture.

But I wanna be clear here: this entire discussion is alllll about us and not actually about the client at all.

I accept 100% responsibility for this whole thing.⬆️

Also, duh: we didn’t shut our entire biz down, we learned a shitload of valuable lessons, and in the end [after a whole lotta soul searching] I’m actually truly, madly, grateful this whole situation went down.

But it was still hard AF to go through it, and I don’t want you to everrrr have to do the same.

**And before you start asking me a million questions about why we didn’t just stop working with the client or setting boundaries or any other BS like that, uhm, trust me: every single one of these options was explored…like Vasco de Gama level exploration.

YOUR TAKEAWAYS:

➡️ Trust. Your. Gut. Trust it so damn hard. Even if there isn’t a giant red flag…even if you’re just getting a feeling that you can’t quite explain…even if you have to say no to a suitcase full of money. Even if it feels like it makes NO sense to trust it…you’re wrong: it does.

➡️ Know that you’re absolutely, positively, definitively not going to mesh with every single person that hires you. Again, noooo one talks about this, but this is very much a thing.

And it shouldn’t really be so surprising, cause when you think about it: do you like everyone you meet? Every person on social media? Every person you go out on a date with? Every character on your fave TV show? I sure as shit don’t [minus the date one, cause reminder: I’m old and married].

Yet, whenever this misalignment thing eventually happens in our biz, we’re the ones who feel like we did something wrong…or we’re a failure…or we’re not being “professional.” Fuck that. This is just a reality with working with a bigger and bigger cross section of people. Cause, yeah: people always be people-ing.

**NOTE: I’m honestly curious if dudes do this as much as women do? [this taking ownership of other ppl’s bad behavior thing]. Cause my guess is probably not.

➡️ Get yourself some biz besties. And I mean some biz besties who really understand the sorts of things you’re dealing with as an entrepreneur. I’ve shared many times before about my biz bestie Jes Fields—Jes is an online biz owner/educator just like me. We have aligned values and approaches and even though we have verrry different businesses, we’re able to support each other completely because of those alignments. I have some well meaning friends who run completely diff types of businesses…or aren’t on social media…or simply don’t “get it.” You need some biz besties who get it [sidenote, this is actually a major motivator behind us starting our new membership [One]].

I DON’T REALLY LIKE RUNNING AN AGENCY..
…or our main agency offer

So, uhm yeaaaaah: this one was DEF not on my bingo card for 2023, but here we are.

But two things: 1. This ⬆️ probs doesn’t mean exactly what you think it does and 2. I can’t talk about this without some very specific context.

REMINDER: we launched The Icon Agency in the summer of 2022 after much planning, fanfare, expense and hoopla. This is our new thing! We’re so excited! You need to get excited too!

We were doing something that, at the time, felt revolutionary [combining 1:1 coaching with DFY services in a major, needle moving way for your biz]. It was actually a spinoff of an idea I had come up with a couple years before for a mastermind I ran. Now I’m seeing LOTS of ppl come up with this exact same revolutionary idea yearssss after I did, but also: despite my snarky comment, I actually do love to see it! Cause it’s honestly what ppl want and need in this space.

Anyway!

This summer I made an insane connection: I had actually managed to create an offer for the Icon Agency [which was pretty much our ONLY offer] that embodied alllll of the things that I hated about working with interior design clients back when I was an interior designer. And it can mostly be summed as this: way the hell too many touchpoints.

Here’s an incomplete base level list of things you need to deal with with your design clients when you’re an interior designer: room layout, space limitations, budget limitations, choosing 1,375 items of furniture, lighting and decor, paint colors, types of paint, paint finishes, fabric, upholstering, budget, payments, shipping delays, vendors and service providers, weather delays, changed minds about every single thing on this list, therapy sessions with your client’s partner and/or their lack of a partner, decision fatigue…do you wanna throw up yet? Cause I sure did.

Sidenote: One month into my first super successful run as an interior designer [several clients, big projects, big money…THE DREAM], Greg said to me after another one of my nightly complain-y brain dumps: “uhm, just so you know…based on everything I hear you saying it seems like you kinda hate working with design clients?”🤣 

And as much as I fought him in that moment, he was kinda right. But I came to realize that it wasn’t necessarily the client I disliked, it was more about all of these damn touchpoints that needed to be carefully tracked, managed, categorized, documented, analyzed, researched and accounted for.

And with our 3-month Icon Agency offer I created, I was dealing with the SAME EXACT FUCKING THING.

Le sigh.

Also, on top of all of these touchpoints we had with every client, we had them with: our own Icon Agency consultants, our collaborators we hired, our clients’ teams AND we had to run this whole agency which felt like another full time job in and of itself.

Now lemme be clear: Minus this lil sitch I outlined above with the misaligned client and another agency client we had to fire [cause yeah: that’s a thing that happens too that no one talks about] we have had the dreamiest fucking Icon Agency clients we ever could have imagined. And I’ve loved working every single of them [including the ones we still have! [Hey guuuuuyz!].

But it was our core offer that I ultimately realized I wasn’t digging. So here’s how we fixed this:

✅ Greg has fully stepped into a CEO/CMO mashup role that allows me to stay out of everything required to run, manage and operate our agency. Just as a general life note: I’m SO friggin lucky to have this dude by my side, but I can’t believe what a gift it’s been to work together in our biz since the Pani Lovato hit.

✅ We’ve switched up [and continue to fine-tune] the services we offer and are not actively looking for any more clients to fill spots in our core 3-month offer. We’re now offering a very customized, bespoke CMO package for businesses that want my brain juice all over their marketing, branding and social media [which I’ve also realized is one of my fave things to do]. We’re offering a “Vibe Guide” package which includes me creating a custom, 40+ page document with all of my suggestions and strategy for the vibes of your biz [think a branding guide but like 17 levels deeper]. I’ve booked my first in person “all in” day with a cool ass startup that can’t necessarily afford to hire me RN for my 6 month CMO package but wants me to help them come up with a killer marketing, social and launch plan. And we’re also going to be offering a curated, select suite of one off services to those in our new [One] membership.

I’ve learned in my 6 years of running my biz to never say never. So MAYBE we’ll still take some very select, perfectly suited biz owners through our core 3 month offer if it makes sense, but for now, we’re excited about all of this other stuff.⬆️

So yeah, the agency isn’t going anywhere, but we’e def evolving big time.

YOUR TAKEAWAYS:

➡️ DO NOT let this story dissuade you from getting creative and trying shit. Most things sound amazing in our brain…but you are never gonna know if you dig something or not until you try it. IMHO, most biz owners are focused way too much on what their audience wants and likes to the point that they forget to pay attention to what THEY want and like. And there is noooooo way to figure this out other than trying shit and seeing how it goes.

➡️ When you’re in this experimental mode all the time, it’s easy to take note of what type of CEO or biz owner you wanna be. I’ve finally realized [and feel totally ok about] the fact that I don’t wanna be a Sheryl Sandberg type biz owner. I don’t want a big team. In fact, I don’t really wanna manage a-n-y-o-n-e [I have enough trouble managing myself].

➡️ You’re allowed to make shifts and adjustments like this in your biz. In fact, I would argue that if you’re not, you’re not thinking outside the box enough, experimenting enough, or taking enough chances in your biz. ALSO! When you make changes like this or evolve your biz, you don’t need to announce it to the world in a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade style event, Instagram live or big ass “relaunch.” With much love: no one cares that much and is not paying attention that closely.

I’M NOT A VEGAN ANYMORE
Now I’m kinda a mostly vegetarian, part-time pescatarian, very occasional meat eater

This doesn’t really require much explanation, but that’s where I’m at.🤷🏻‍♀️

I have no idea if this will last, or where I’ll end up eventually. And it’s not that I’ve been hiding this fact, I’ve just been feeling like it’s not necessary to talk about EVERY single aspect of my life all day every day.

I SPENT ALMOST THE ENTIRE SUMMER IN A PRETTY MAJOR DEPRESSION
And yes I’ve talked about this a little bit, but not fully

This summer was real rough for me. And yes: it was partly because of some of the shit I’ve already outlined above, but also: I’m just someone who struggles with depression.

For the record, I’m very happily medicated and on an antidepressant [which I’m not trying to get off of]. But because our brains are dicks, when you struggle with depression you learn real quick that meds just don’t always work.

And this summer they weren’t workin’ for me.

Here’s what it actually looked like for me on an everyday basis:

I didn’t want to leave our apartment [now this is kind of ALWAYS the case for me 🤣] but I’m talking for days at a time.

It was VERY hard to show up for client meetings and “pretend” like everything was fine.

I was crying all the time.

I was in a deep and layered self-loathing spiral.

I ignored my skincare routine [and all self care for that matter].

I didn’t want to talk to any friends or make any plans.

I didn’t want to show up on social media.

Now, yes: there are ppl who struggle with depression who have episodes that are way the hell worse than mine was. But for me, it felt real bad for about 3 months.

So, while I’ve talked about my depression before on social media [and want to keep doing so!] I haven’t really gotten into nitty gritty details about my “summer of depression” as I now call it.😝 

YOUR TAKEAWAYS:

➡️ Plan ahead for shit like this. I don’t necessarily have a depressive episode like the one I just described every year, but the truth is: I should be prepared to deal with this from a biz perspective the next time this happens. I hope it won’t but realistically…it probably will.

➡️ Consider the treatment that’s best for you and don’t listen to all the online noise. There’s literally no hesitation in me saying that meds have completely changed my life. I’m not saying you’ve got to try them too, but if you’ve been curious and never tried them it might be worth talking to your doctor about it. There’s a large contingency of ppl on antidepressants who are “trying to get off of them” and that’s honestly a message I see pushed online a lot. I don’t get it at all and I am not in that group, but just remember: we’re all so different. So before you outsource your medical and mental health care to @angrymom22 remember that you know what’s best for you.

➡️ I still got “dressed” for work every day. I don’t know how I managed to keep doing this, but somehow this was the only routine I was able to stick with during this time…and I’m so glad I did. If you can hold onto ONE important habit or routine during times like this, I swear it makes suuuuch a difference. If you can’t you can’t…no biggie. But remember this and try!

I ‘M SO GROSSED OUT BY THE WORD “COACH” I TOOK IT OFF OF ALL OF MY SOCIAL PROFILES
I’ve had a love/hate relationship with my industry for awhile, but oof…it’s pretty hardcore in the hate column RN

I’m honestly so bored of this “online coaches are like MLM’s” convo, I don’t really wanna get too deep into this.

But true confessions: more and more, I’m feeling like I agree with this sentiment.⬆️ And it’s to the point that I don’t even think I wanna call myself a coach anymore.🤔

I’m so damn over the Voxer money screenshots.

I don’t want to use my feminine moon energy to quantum leap into my own sovereignty.

I’m sick of all the same programs and group offers.

I’m sick of all of the same content and “hot takes.”

I feel barf-y about the language we use: What is the transformation you offer? What are the specific problems you solve? What type of container is that? What is your method or proprietary framework? Are you sharing problem aware content?

For the record, this ⬆️ is ALL just marketing and window dressing designed to help ppl sell more shit. And for real, for real: I’ve got absolutely noooo problem with that…in fact, I’m really fucking good at that too.

But it all just makes me feel ugh.

I absolutely love having a few, hand picked 1:1 clients and can’t see ever giving that up. And I also really love doing my one off intensives.

But I’m also feeling a major pull to offer people a different type of investment. Which is why we created our new [One] Membership.

We’re offering no frameworks, no specifics problems we’re promising to solve and no specific outcomes. Instead we built the whole thing around helping you become more innovative…take more chances and experiment more in your biz…build up your “give zero fucks” muscle. ⬅️ All the the things that will truly help you become a “category of one.”

And duh: this is going to be gamechanging for you and your biz. But also: it’s an investment that I know will translate into so many diff areas of your life.

And yeah: selfishly I wanted to create a space for other business owners like us who think of innovation as an intentional daily practice…cause I wanted us all to be able to hang out together. And OMG, it worked! We have the dopest people in there so far!

Anyway…I’m not even sure if “coach” properly describes all of this anymore.⬆️🤷🏻‍♀️

YOUR TAKEAWAYS:

➡️ REMINDER: the coolest thing about owning your own biz is that you get to decide what your title is. And if you don’t resonate with it anymore for any reason, cool. Just switch it up! I’m still playing around with this myself.

➡️ If you’re feeling any similar types of frustrations in your industry or space, unfollow some btchz. I’ve been on an unfollowing spree lately, and omggggggg has it made hanging out on Instagram about a million times better! I’ve also been blown away by how good doing this has been for my mental health and creativity. Lastly, it also feels like an empowering CEO flex when you do it. I couldn’t recommend this move more highly.

➡️ If you’ve been thinking of joining our [One] Membership, do it nowwww. You only have 3 days to grab the Founders bonus which is a 1:1 sesh with me at 80% off the normal price. If you wanna learn more about it, see what our January sked is, or you’re ready to apply and just do the damn thing, go HERE.

I WANT TO LOSE 15 POUNDS
Are you even ALLOWED to say that as a woman now??

I have absolutely NO idea how to talk about shit like this anymore. And so I verrrry specifically never bring this fact up on social media.⬆️

Let me be crystal clear: I love how far we’ve come with realizing what a flaming piece of garbage diet culture was built upon…and the strides we’ve made body acceptance and positivity…and even in seeing a whole slew of industries shift because of it.

But I also feel like I’m not even sure how to talk about my own goals when it comes to my body.

Anytime I’ve posted this desire of mine to lose 15 or 20 pounds on social media, my DM inbox is flooded with “omg, you don’t need to,” “you’re fab just the way you are,” “you’re crazy” type messages.

And while I truly, madly, deeply appreciate the support, I still wanna try to do this thing.

Look, this isn’t a MAJOR issue I’m struggling with [I’m still gonna do whatever the hell I wanna do]…and you know I’m still President of the Zero Fucks Club. I just think this shift is so interesting from a cultural perspective, and since we’re keeping it real, BOOM. There ya go.

I HAVE NO RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
And neither does Greg

This is another one I don’t think we need to discuss deeply…but if I’m being honest, I’m definitely embarrassed by this.

It’s not that we don’t have retirement accounts cause we don’t think they’re a good idea…or we don’t believe in the importance of it. I just wanted you to know that even when you see others who look like they have successful businesses and don’t have a care in the world, there’s almost always more to the story.

Now we do still own our home in LA that we Airbnb. And the value of that property has increased 122% since we purchased it. And since we get our mortgage paid every month by our Airbnb guests AND make thousands of dollars on top of that, this does kinda feel like our retirement account. But yeah: we’re currently IRA-less, and that’s just super dumb.